Fighting for love in a porn culture

Updated: Aug 14, 2019




If you’ve seen any trending news topics within the past week, I would be shocked if you didn’t see articles relating to a well-known business executive, celebrity, or even local citizen being accused of sexual abuse or a sexual scandal. The fact that I could even write that previous sentence is saying something about society. Sadly, it’s not surprising. But why?


The Facts

As technology has made the internet more accessible around the world, the number of pornography viewers has increased as well. How does this relate to what I mentioned above? A study from the American College of Pediatricians noticed the following among young adults exposed to pornography compared to the control group of “non-viewers”:

  • Male subjects demonstrated increased callousness toward women.

  • Subjects considered the crime of rape less serious.

  • Subjects became more interested in… extreme and deviant forms of pornography.

  • Subjects were more likely to say they were dissatisfied with their sexual partner.

  • Subjects were more accepting of sexual infidelity in a relationship.

  • Subjects valued marriage less and were twice as likely to believe marriage may become obsolete.

  • Subjects showed a greater acceptance of female promiscuity.

How To Prevent

So, what do we do? I believe fixing this part of society begins in the home while children are as young as 3 years old. (Learn more about how to talk to young children about porn here) Teaching our children what to do when they encounter porn while they are young is necessary for two reasons. The first is because 1 in 10 kids under 10 has seen porn. Exposure is happening at a younger and younger age which means the likelihood for addiction increases. Second, the sooner we teach our kids how to respond to pornography, the better the chances are that they will avoid it’s negative side effects and the more likely our kids will come to us about sensitive topics.


Now to be clear, my main goal isn’t to keep our children from becoming porn addicts and falling victim to its negative side effects (though a positive outcome). My vision is to have our children grow up to experience a real, loving, and healthy relationship with another human being. Pornography shows that love is only about you and your wants and that it’s OK to be violent towards your partner. Both of which, as we know, may push people towards sexual abuse, breakups, and/or divorce.


Love is what keeps us, humans, together. Pornography kills that love. Teaching our children what love really is, while also making them immune to pornography, will show them the power and beauty of a healthy relationship. It is my opinion that it is better to have parents teach their children about love than let the internet do that for you… We will have a brighter future if we make our children stronger and immune to the evils of a porn culture.


Although I don’t ultimately have control over my son’s decisions, I do have control over what I teach and when I teach it. The sooner I show my son the power of real love over fake love, the better the chances my son has at not becoming another statistic or news headline 20 years down the road.


How To Recover

Everything up to this point that I’ve shared is helpful for preventing the use of pornography. But, what do we do if our children, a friend, or even ourselves are caught in the strong grasp of continual porn use?


First, get outside help. Working with a friend, religious leader, and/or professional counselor will be the start of a road of healing. Working with someone else helps you to be accountable while also allowing you to receive support and coaching in the event of a relapse. Trying to kick the habit on your own is noble, but more difficult and nigh impossible.


Second, don’t allow shame to take control. This shame may not even come from another person. We might shame ourselves into self-hate and dig ourselves into a pit of guilt that can be extremely difficult to climb out of. The process of healing takes time, patience, and practice. Addictions are tough to overcome. Don’t be discouraged. Don’t be dismayed.


Third, join a community. After you become comfortable sharing your story with close friends and family, find a community that supports you on your journey to “full health.” This community will help strengthen you to be your best at not only avoiding pornography but also at becoming the best version of yourself.


My Story

Pornography has been an ebbing and flowing wave throughout a good portion of my life. I was first exposed to porn when I was around the age of 11 through kids at school and a sparked curiosity in front of a computer screen. When I first saw pornographic images, I felt gross and dirty. Because of this, I avoided the computer for the next little while; but, the damage was done and the seed was planted.


Over the next few years into high school, I had found various ways to hide my harmful habit. I could feel myself growing further and further away from the ones I cared about. Porn had consumed my mind and made me focus only on myself… until I decided enough was enough.


I started to fight. Admitting I had a problem was the first step and is always the hardest. My personality is such that I don’t like being wrong and I like things to be perfect. Yet, this aspect of my life seemed anything but… I worked up the courage to get some help and I began to speak with local religious leaders and my dad. Through their mentorship and support, I was able to erase the shame and guilt I had built up over the years.


Now, since that time, I’ve had moments of relapse, additional shame, and more guilt. Sharing this struggle and history with my wife was even more difficult. But the fight is still the same. Sharing my story to eliminate the shame and joining a community for support has been key to my success in building self-love and a strong relationship with my wife and son. In the end, the battle is worth fighting not so much because it is a fight against evil but because it is a fight FOR love.


It isn’t easy, but I know that through the help of a supportive community, anyone can overcome their addiction and then turn around to be a light and foundation for others on their road to recovery.


Additional Links for Pornography Addiction Recovery:

Recovering from Porn Addiction

Addiction Recovery Program (Religious)

True Story: How Struggle with Porn and Shame came to an end

Fortify (Non-Religious)

Additional Facts about the Harms of Pornography:

‘Pornography addiction worry’ for tenth of 12 to 13-year-olds

The effects of pornography on children and young people

Fight the New Drug – Learn the Facts about Pornography


#how_to #overcome_pornography #teach_kids_about_porn


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© 2019 by The Papa Perspective